Cats hate you and everyone else, a comic by Natalie Dee

We hate some persons because we do not know them; and we will not know them because we hate them.

– Charles Caleb Colton

There is so much wisdom in this quote. Not just about hate, but about any relationship where we are distant from someone else.

It doesn’t matter what the reason is. If we maintain the distance, then there is no way to bridge the gap and it quickly becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

Maybe we’re distant because we think someone doesn’t like us. Therefore, we behave cooly toward them. As a result, they are reserved toward us, which we interpret as a rejection or confirmation of our original thoughts. Thus the spiral continues.

The only way to break this cycle is to risk. We need to take the risk of becoming vulnerable enough to attempt communication with the other person.

Yes, we might find out that they really don’t like us. But at least we will know, rather than assume. Also, if we’re open enough we might even be able to hear the feedback about why this is so. This will give us the opportunity to reflect on that feedback and maybe change something about ourselves which is putting people off or keeping them at a distance.

However, that’s not the only possible outcome. We might also find that our thinking was not correct, that it’s simply a mannerism, or different way of approaching life and people that have caused us to misinterpret their behaviour. Maybe we’ve seen them behave like someone whom we clashed with in the past and we’ve jumped to the same conclusion instead of taking them on their own terms.

We might even find that we open up the pathway to a new and valuable relationship.

The only way to find out is to take the step toward the other person, so instead of “hating” them, we actually come to know them.