Without putting people in boxes, we do find that there are two general patterns of response to conflict—active or passive aggression.

One is not necessarily better or worse than the other. It is always best to resolve conflict constructively, rather than destructively. So aggression is unhelpful at best, destructive at worst. However, we cannot manage ourselves effectively nor understand others well if we do not understand the basics of these two types of aggression.

Active aggression is usually associated with those who have D or I as their primary traits in the DISC profile. You know it when someone is an active aggressor—you see the aggression. This can be anything from threatening behaviour (intimidation) to actual violence. With the high I person, because they are a very verbal personality, you will find their aggression often is displayed in shouting or arguing loudly.

The positive about active aggression is that you know they’re upset, the problem is out there to be seen and dealt with. The drawback is that it can often create significant hurt and damage, particularly to relationships.

Passive aggressors handle conflict very differently.They don’t overtly display their aggression. It’s seen more in what’s not done or by popping up again at a later date, with no signs in between.

The high C personality, will exhibit passive aggression by silence and passively refusal or delaying tactics. For instance, they won’t tell you, but parts or all of the job will not be done, or will be done poorly. The high S will tend to get upset or disturbed, but not say anything to those they have the conflict with. Then they will talk among themselves until it gets so bad a “leader” S pops up and says something. Then the conflict moves into an active phase, but with the S types moving as a group.

Look around. You’ll see all these behaviours in everything from families to community groups and workplaces.

These are not ways to resolve conflict, often they escalate it. However, by being aware of our and others’ default behaviour we can learn to read the signals and apply a wise conflict resolution strategy.

So what’s your tendency or preference, and how will you choose to act more appropriately when faced with conflict?