A recent encounter reminded me of the need to have close, significant, relationships with others.

It is a sad fact that a good predictor of sustainability and resilience in leadership is the number and quality of significant, close relationships. Someone who has a number of people in their closest circle of intimacy will be much more able to weather the challenges of life than someone who has few or none in that circle.

This is not rocket science. If we have people whom we trust and with whom we can be open, with whom we can be ourselves, than we will be able to rely on them when things get tough. They will be the listening ear, the outside perspective, the assurance that we are loved and valuable.

The first image (above to the right) shows someone with good circles of intimacy. They have a good spread of acquaintances, friends and trusted friends. Naturally, there are fewer friends than acquaintances, and also fewer trusted friends than general friends.

The second image (below to the left) illustrates someone who has limited numbers of people beyond simple acquaintances. They have few friends and almost no trusted friends.

We need these supports especially when we feel pressured or alone—something we can often feel as leaders. What’s more, we need to have someone else other than our immediate family. Why? We can end up being a burden to them, instead of a support. Also, sometime it’s our close relationships which need the outside perspective.

For some, there is an almost arrogant independence which stops them forming close relationships. This sort of person doesn’t see the need. They are capable and self-reliant. The trouble is that eventually we come to the end of our own resources.

For others, there can be such a poor self-image that they do not believe people want to be in close relationship with them. Others may have been wounded by someone close, and as a result they keep everyone at arm’s length.

Regardless of the reason, the result is that important support structures are missing when they are most needed.

The truth is, when we need them, it is too late to put something in place. We need to be proactive, putting energy into building close, trusting relationships where we can share our heart with people who will value and protect it. These relationships don’t just happen. We have to work at creating them and then put the necessary energy into maintaining them. We need to be wise in the building of our support structures.

A close friend of mine put it this way, “You’re one person who I’d sell my house to help if you were in trouble”.

Who would sell their house to help you if you were in trouble?

Who would you sell your house to help?

How are your close relationships?

What are you doing to build and maintain them?