Sometimes, we can be so focussed on getting the job done, particularly if we’re concerned with doing it right, we can trample on people’s feelings.

In a number of interactions I have found myself or others I know having had their feelings significantly hurt by people. The sad thing is that the people who did the damage have no idea that they have caused this pain. They have no idea that how they interacted with people served to wound and distance people from them.

Let me say up front that I am particularly aware of this sort of thing since I have done it many times in my own past. It is part of my own personal journey to  become more aware of the emotional responses I elicit in others by the way I interact with them.

Let me also say that I am still far from perfect. When I am tired, emotionally drained, or dealing with some of my own “stuff” I can easily default to patterns of the past. We are all on a journey towards wholeness and Christlikeness, none have arrived.

The sad thing to see has been that those causing offence have no idea what they have done. One of the five domains of emotional intelligence is empathy. However, before we can have empathy in significant measure, we have to have the foundations of emotional self-awareness and self-management.

According to one measure, about 15% of the population will naturally default to a task orientation. For these people extra care is required that while “doing the right thing” or “doing things right” people are not wounded. Don’t get me wrong, we need people with these “task” orientations. However, we all also need to be wise in our working with others.

What does it profit us to have a church, home group or family that is doing everything right, or moving toward the right goals if the consequence is that we unnecessarily wound or drive away people in the process?